Now a little bit about work-ut :)

I apologize for not posting for the past couple of days. Fact is I wrote a post on a trip to Kerela/TN I made this week and wanted it to be a photo blog, just that I never got to upload the pics and so the draft remains.. :) Meanwhile, let me update you about what's been happening on the work front.

After weeks of joblessness ( I feel like I've said this sooo many times!) I landed 3 projects, all extremely intellectual sounding and all pretty much useless.

I feel like a 3 year old who's being distracted by her mom "Look, there!" And I look and I look to see what's there... realising that she's making a fool out of me but thinking "It's still better than having nowhere to look!"

The projects were aimed at 'adding value', 'aiding process improvement', 'analysing business profitability' and ' analysing the course of research direction'. Sounds super even now, even when I know that the value cannot be added, the process is being improved already, the business profitability is being analysed by people far smarter than me and the course of research does not exist to be analysed.

Nevertheless, I'm glad about this fake sense of being busy. And I've decided that I'm going to blow people over with my presentation! If nothing else, it'll make me feel better about the time I've spent here. :)

So a few days back, I opened an excel, made a process flow chart, asked my neighbour (an excel champ) on how to make macros. Made a few successfully, changed the colors and formatted it real nice. Added a PERT diagram (Ha! See I did some research!!) to evaluate and review critical paths of an activity and then, well... stopped.

My analysis was complete and there was still no headway in what could be done. Most people I spoke to said the improvement wasn't needed in the first place and that it would bring no tangible benefit. Well.. as if I wasn't sure of that already.. :(

But I don't let small hindrances like a futile project with a useless conclusion trouble me. I'm all set to making a ppt now. Gasifying it to the core using terms I learnt from the MBA Jargon Generator and making it sound as if I really make a lot of sense.

You know what my favorite term is? 'Continuous Improvement'.
Frankly it means you can't do a thing today to get results tomorrow. Just recommend, hope for things to fall into place and make your exit while you can.

I think I'm going to do the same.. :)

Orkut- The new face of Shaadi.com

Yeah, I know you know I finally have work, but you're not going to kill me for writing another post in office, will you?!

I drift back again to Orkut, that versatile social networking site that is doing a hell lot more that anyone ever imagined. Move over you 'Friends' and 'Activity Partners'.. Time's now to use this super search tool for finding youself a life partner!

You know what the problem with the MeetyourlifepartnerHERE!.com type sites is? They're too obvious! They're definitely not subtle and no one ever logs on without a very strong ulterior urge. My dad for one, I've heard (he would'nt dare tell me!) has been surfing a lot of such sites recently to search for a suitable suitor for me, but never really met with any success.


Well, if he ever asked me, I'd tell him to atleast do it the right way..'Pore over orkut!' What with the thousands of friends I'm connected to, and the millions more I haven't ever given a hoot about, the possibilities are endless!!

There are scores of advantages I see that orkut has, over traditional shaadikaro sites.. (not that i've ever visited such a site, and NO, shameless as I am, I won't be caught dead looking at one of those in office!)

COnsidering the amount of information available on them, it's not really that bad an idea to consider 'frandship' or more with someone on this forum...

For all those looking at 'making matrimony' on this site, here are some key pointers that may help you sieve out the pebbles from the grain!

1. Status: If a person does NOT have a displayed status of (single, committed etc) then he/she is likely to be committed because no one single would call themselves that. This is mainly true for guys!
2. Photographs: Girls, if he's put up the face/torso of Brad Pitt or Hrithik as his display pic, he definitely looks like the remotest version of the two. Guys, if a girl looks like Angelina Jolie, she may actually look like her.. but she's a guaranteed weirdo!
3. Communities: If you see, 'Pyaar Me Dhoka', 'Lover's Land Vikaspuri', 'I will never forget my first love', 'Gr8 Flirters of Orkut' or 'My Name Starts with R' as a community on someone's page, it may just be a good idea to scram from there.
4. 'About Me': Do you see a 'Lovable, cute boy', 'Sweet Punjabi Kudi with naughty mind' or 'I am a mystery??and who solves my mystery is a person who is called friend!!! So be my friend!!! Will you??' I suggest you let the mystery remain.
5. Friendship Requests: Aah.. too talked about, I won't dwell on it for too long. But I just wish that you don't entertain too many requests to 'scrape' people or let them 'scrape' you.. might be a tad painful!
6. Testimonials give a lot away as well, not just about the person its for, but also about the person who sent it. Take a look at this specimen..

ae ganpat.. chal scrap bhej..

ae ganpat.. chal scrap bhej..

ae jada joke serious thoda kum bhej..

ae jada joke serious thoda kum bhej..

thoda fan van to apun ka bhi ban na yaar..

thoda fan van to apun ka bhi ban na yaar..

ae ganpat ganpat...ae ganpat ganpat...

COMEON COMEON COME EVERYBODYCOMEON

COMEON COME BE MY BUDDYCOMEON COMEON COME EVERYBODY

{send a scrap.>send a scrap.>send a scrap.>}

IN THE ORKUT.. ALL OVER INDIA...WE ARE THE BHAI..WE ARE THE BHAI..

orkut-orkut chalta rehta hai dekho jidhar..koi scraping koi chatting karta hai idhar..

orkut-orkut chalta rehta hai dekho jidhar..koi scraping koi chatting karta hai idhar..

thoda joke-woke to apun ko bhi bhej na yaar..

thoda joke-woke to apun ko bhi bhej na yaar..

ae ganpat ganpat...ae ganpat chal... scrap bhej... ...

Am still in a state of shock.

Thank god I'm writing, else I would've been speechless!

All in all I can say one thing, maybe you won't really find your Prince Charming or Princess Fiona in the millions of people crammed on this network.. but you'll sure find a lot many more who'll definitely be worthy of a blog post if nothing else! :)

Finding me the nicotine patch!

After weeks of having nothing to do at office, the sensation of finally being entrusted with some responsibility was a huge welcome! Just how difficult it would be to get used to the idea of working is something that I hadn't really considered :)


The past few weeks had been a concentrated attempt at achieving the most out of my nothingness through a variety of well planned activities which honestly I'd begun to enjoy quite a bit. But yesterday I realised that fitting in work with those other activities would be quite challenging!
Well, I guess I should admit it finally, I'm an addict! Bloodthirsty when it comes to checking mail without reason or searching the innards of orkut for something interesting.

But why should it be this way? I mean, I were the one begging for work, telling my friends that I'd pull out my hair and suspend myself by the fingernails if they din't give me something to do in the next one hour.
And when they did give me some work, I was elated!
I decided to set my priorities right, opened a new page in my notebook, wrote down the project title, aims, objectives, the works. And then stopped. I just had to change my status on gtalk to 'Busy'. I closed without remorse the various windows that were opened on the screen.. orkut, gmail, newsofthewierd, the latest e-book I'd been reading and cleared way for all the data that is to be analysed. *Rubbing my hands in glee*

Checked my mail, the official one ofcourse, looked at the excel at hand. Ideas poured in my head. I took back that notebook and starting talking to people, discussing bottlenecks, areas of concern, opportunities, in fact I'm just about to do a SWOT on the current situation when...

... when it happens again.. that familiar urge to look up to the screen like a zombie, open the browser and log onto my mail, only to be faced with a shameful inbox with nothing new, not even spam! You try to get hold of your senses and try to get back to work, when you just realise, 'aaj orkut to check hi nahi kiya!' Blasphemy! Your hand snakes up to the mouse once again and you peek into your disappointing orkut scrapbook ('Why doesn't anyone scrap me?!'). FYI, just 2390 scraps in that book.
Like an Inferi under the Dark Lord's spell (Yes, I am a Harry Potter fan) I continue to blankly click open all such pages and files that defined your existence in office before you'd been given any work.

Hmm.. it's not going to work like this, is it? Weaning off all non-work activities is going to take some time. I guess I just need to find a nicotine patch before I give up on smoking altogether.. Any ideas? :)

Orkut Spying Made Easy!

By far the greatest source of virtual distraction in my life, Orkut has proceeded to become the prime source of keeping up with the Joneses, Jains, Sharmas and Mishras of the world. Not only does it let me keep it touch with them (well, that's only secondary!), it also let's me keep in touch with all that they don't want me to keep in touch with! *Evil Laugh*

It's cheap and pathetic and I should hate myself for it, but I don't. I really like myself above all my weaknesses.

But some time back, out sheer respect for another's privacy (and also because I genuinely had a lot of work to do) I stopped trespassing. When I came back to my old ways (aah, the lust for blood) I realised, that orkut had made life much simpler for me.

Now, however cheap and pathetic and shameful it may be, those orkut beautifiers had now made it much easier for orkut spies to get their load of gossip for the day.

I'm referring to the 'Updates from my Friends' section, where you can get to know new and exciting info about your friends, such as:

1. Someone you know who was called XYZ now is known as 'Life Sucks' and incidently has also sent you a 'Have a very Happy Diwali' message with 4 smileys.
2. Someone you know is single and not married, has updated the 'children' column to 'none'
3. Some people you know were not single and not married have changed their status to 'committed' and 'open relationship' respectively.
4. Some people you did not know were committed suddenly become 'single'
5. 'Zulu' is the language your neighbour for 12 years has suddenly started to speak.
6. Someone in your friends list has developed a new 'Passion' for 'Lazing at night after a day of hard work'!
7. Someone you know who had a crush on someone else, has written a verrry interesting testimonial for her/him :)

In short, saves a lot of time.

For those who care to protect their privacy like myself..

Orkut>My Settings>Privacy>Hide Updates

Labour Pains for 3 Hrs 42 Mins!

Foo..Foo.. Exhale.
Take deep breaths. You can do it.
C'mon, loads of people have done it before, it can't be that tough.

8th Minute of a half marathon and this is what I felt like.
I'd gone with the intention of running, (oh who am I kidding!) walking a respectable 10 kms, take some pictures and come back to sleep off the rest of the Sunday.

It just so happened that on that day I was 'encouraged' to run 21 kms and that it would be 'fun' and so I went ahead to grab the challenge, much like a mouse would agree to tear apart the next tiger it sees.

Everyone at the Starting Line. Basic instructions are given. I'm still looking at that tall, athletic girl who has the 'Bring It On!' look on her face, and that taller, athletic-er man behind her thinking ' aah, 21 km! i'm really downgrading myself this time'.

Whistle blows and I start running, keeping pace with the tall girl. I'm not all that bad. This is good. I can feel the steady running rythm building and a few people crossing me. 'That's ok, I'm only competing with myself, just keep running!'

Foo..Foo.. Exhale. Take deep breaths. You can do it. C'mon, loads of people have done it before, it can't be that tough.

Well, onto the 8th minute and I realise. It IS that tough! In fact a LOT more tough than I'd ever imagined. My stamina is un-minable and my will, dropping like the heart-rate of a patient who needs more 'dua' than 'dawa'.

'This was a verrry bad idea!' The entire crowd has almost taken me over by now, barring a few people, who probably have the same levels of fitness as me, and even that's not encouraging.

So I decide to walk it. Thankfully accompanied by my friend Sattu who would've run a full marathon had he not been injured badly, the last time he attempted it.

We'd decided to quit after some 5 kms and run back, but pride that baseless, emotional sense of completing the task at hand whether hell or high water (@#$@#%@%) pushed us to finish all of it. Winning was not important (thats what those who're losing or non-competing say!) but finishing was (cause I had to get back home!!!) so we walked..

When you're walking as far as I did ( I like how this sounds); the only hope lies in the two aid stations that you'll be crossing. Aid stations with water, biscuits and peanut butter-jam sandwiches. But even thoughts of food won't make you forget the fact that next station is 'just' 7 kms away.

7 kms means close to 70 minutes if you're walking fast and means much much more if you're walking your way back at 12:30 pm without a cap or shades or a bottle of water.. :)

Meanwhile me met 40 year olds who were disappointed they could run only 42 kms and not 56 like that 50 year old who had zipped ahead an hour back. Not good for the 23 year old walker who's taking 2 hours more to complete half the distance they ran! :)

In any case, I made it back finally, alive but unable to kick for several days I'm sure.
My friend Sattu, told me that running is like alcohol, people take it for the high.
Runner's High it's called.

What did the pains of my labour make me feel at the end of it? Walker's Woes or a Walker Without Toes? Both I guess. Someday I guess I'll look back and smile on it... (Ouchieees!!! I just got up for coffee) .. but I have a strrrong feeling it's not going to be today! :)

Humor in the times of Coup-lera

I was randomly surfing today when I came across this very interesting article on a restaurant in Islamabad called Civil Junction.

Started by Arshed Bhatti, a journalist turned civil activist, the restaurant is now preparing to evolve a Menu that reflects contemporary times. With "Well-Done Opposition" and "Spineless Opposition", both chicken dishes with and without bones for the main course that can be had with "Activist Daal Deal" or "Dhoka Dahi" adorning the menu, the restaurant is a seemingly ridiculous but a highly unconventional tool of social protest.

A country which is doing everything to muffle and bury the voice of media, a restaurant such as this is what is bringing people closer to discuss stark political issues over a "Musharraf Guespresso" or a "Vajpayee's Cuppa"

This restaurant looks to me like the Harry Potter of Pakistan, the only one that a courage to call a Voldemort, a Voldemort.

This cafe is not just an attempt to flirt with the powers that be, rather seems to be a haven for open conversation in a land where guns and lathis beat more often than tongues to raise a point.

Maybe, its unfair on my part to represent such a view, having nothing really to do with Pakistan.
But I belong to a country myself which 'boasts' of a menu with "Buddhadeb Bheja Fry" and "Yechury Kichri" among others, so is it really wrong on my part to say, "Way to go, Mr Arshed!"?

Factoring in work at the Factory

You know the feeling when you have so much work that you can't seem to look out at the rest of your life beyond all those files? Well, I dont! Ever since I came as a Marketing Management trainee to a factory to enhance my learning! Work is a luxury I don't have. Not yet atleast, and I also know that if my good friend Murphy is working well, I'll be dumped upon with some data entering challenge before I finish writing this blog :)

The good thing about being work deprived it is that you can devote all the time on hand to other things. These can be divided into 5 clear categories:

Socializing: Chatting, Email, Orkutting

Narcissistic Indulgence: Changing 'orkut photo', 'Updating orkut album' 'passions', 'about me', 'my best feature', updating birth date on orkut 3 days before your birthday to initiate greater scrap inflow

Creative Expressions: 'Sending scrapes to make new frands', Blogging

Escapades: Planning trips away from this jobless blackhole basis the best offers cleartrip can offer

Knowledge Attainment: Growth in this quarter for my company (it's doing great, maybe it's just as well I dont get any work), Checking out latest scoops on Abhi-Ash and the Shahid-Kareena-Saif trisome

Bullshit: Checking love compatibility with latest crush

So here's how a regular day will go for me:

• Walk in. Log on.
• Get coffee.
• Open two windows, gmail and orkut, check scraps, check mail. Zilch.
• Stare at the pages for long enough till a mail or scrap appears. Reply immediately.
• Don't even bother opening your official mailbox cause the only mails that appear there are system generated.
• Catch up on news. Catch up on gossip columns.
• Look around. Nope, looks like no work today too.
• Check orkut updates. Oooh someone has a new passion. Exxcittting!!
• Check albums of guys you like, guys you liked, guy your friends like.
• Log out of orkut, Log in 10 minutes later to see if there's a new scrap.
• Write 5 lines on the fantastic new idea you have for your next post, delete the last two lines. Nope, won't work.
• Go tell your HR manager you want work. He says he'll look into it. Walk back to your desk.
• Call your equally jobless management trainee friend and tell her you got a new hairdo. Listen to her say, she got a new hairdo AND lost 3 more kgs, bought new clothes, shoes AND finally has work. Disconnect
• Lunch Time. Gorge.
• Back from lunch. Read some genuine informative stuff out of sheer guilt.
• The person who orginally owns the desk has returned. Get up leave and pray for the day to get over!
  

That's what's happened just now!! Gotta go :)

What's in a name? Ask Gothi!

Whats in a name anyway? Random letters put together to give an identity to your existence. Quite often, these very random letters make you want to jump out of your existence, or end the existence of another.

Puzzled? Let me tell you what I'm talking about. My name is Priyanka Gothi.

And basis seasons, times of the day or mood swings of people, I'm called Gothi, Goths, Gothu, Gothax, Gothamma, Gothika, Goat, Goatee, Ghoti, Godhi, Guthhi.

Ans there are those who love to give their priceless two gold coins worth of comments on the names of others. For instance, the rare few who chose to call me Priyanka, hardly ever fail to remark, "Oh.. Priyanka, as in Priyanka Gandhi? Or is it Priyanka Chopra you like?.. Hehehe" .. Well.. hehe.. I just laughed my Gut(hi)s out on that one.. :)

And there are those who are ready with a critique on your name,. I met a gentleman in a train once, we were exchanging regular pleasantries when he asked my name and as i soon as I uttered it, he went "chhheeeeee, itna old-fashioned naam? main to kabhi apni beti ka naam yeh nahi rakhoonga, baad me mujhe kosegi aur bolegi kya bekaar naam rakh diya!!"
Well...

No one in my family ever really got used to being called Gothi, My aunt, when she was getting married was escatic about that fact that "I'm not going to be a Gothi anymore!!" Its another thing she became a Ran-a-de soon after :)

Another issue, we (and here I speak about the entire community of wierd-namees) face is that everyone in the house, would be called the same. My grandfather and grandmother are Mr and Mrs. Gothi, my father is called Dr. Gothi, My mom, Ma'am Gothi and my sister and myself .. just Gothi!
I found this is the case with many such unfortunate souls as myself.
We had a friend in college called Abheishek Chatterjee, popularly known as Chatty, people would call his home and ask his mom who picked up "Aunty, Chatty se bata kar sakte hain?" Aunty would say, "Beta, is ghar me 5 Chatty hain.. kisske baat karni hai?" :)

But there are positives to even names like ours... for one, it's really easy to spot people..

Looking for your name in the rail reservation list? Luck be with you if you are a Sharma, Verma, Gupta or Jain.. you'll be looking up and down for hours and still not be able to find yourself. Gothi, on the other hand, is right there.. the lone warrior, the one of its kind, almost jumping out of the sheet so that you can spot it. Sure, it may be spelt as a Ghoti, Goti or Gati, it still catches you eye, which is the purpose of the whole activity in the end, isn't it?

Well, sometimes I think I'm lucky to just have Gothi and nothing more terrifying. I knew a family in Bombay with a last name of "Galakaatu", apparently some ancestor at some point of time had cut someone's throat, so they called themselves Galakaatu to pay penance for life! Phew!

I'd rather not even be a Tyrewala, Flatswala or Treasurywala. Makes people judge you a lot I believe. We had a Kelawala in our college, his birthdays were a nightmare as he was quite unimaginatively showered with bananas, banana chips, banana milkshakes despite his futile protests. :)

Names it seems strengthen personalities rather than identities. I remember a girl in school who was called Honey, who started calling herself Aishwarya after the 1994 Ms. World contest :)

So what's in name again? A lot has to do with our own prejudices I guess.

Quick questions to test this:

What would sound better as an industrialist's name?
Raj Singhania or BrijMohan Chaturvedi? :)

Who would sound more credible as a doctor?
Ashish Upadhyaya or P.K Girpade?

Who would sound more sturdy as an army man?
Colonel Ranbeer Singh or Colonel Roomi Tyrewala

Who would you believe more as a teacher?
Malathi Balasubramaniam or Pammi Khanna

Which would sound more like an actor's name?
Rajiv Bhatia or Akshay Kumar
Haribhai Patel or Sanjeev Kumar
Yousaf Khan or Dilip Kumar
Amitabh Shrivastav or Amitabh bachhan? Haiiin??

So there's nothing in a name eh, Mr. Shakespeare? You should have known better!! :)